


Spin the Bottle Sherlock Style: Women's Edition!

by ColetteLunsford



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Exactly What It Says on the Tin, F/M, For Science!, I want to see you smile, Spin the Bottle, Want a kiss?, for you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-07
Updated: 2014-08-07
Packaged: 2018-02-12 05:15:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2097087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColetteLunsford/pseuds/ColetteLunsford
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Guys, I originally made this quiz on a different site but since I failed to see one for our dear readers, I decided to post it here.<br/>Enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this was originally a quiz on another site but I decided to post it here.  
> Hope it makes your day.

AMAZING! 

You have achieved your lifelong dream of being a pathologist!

BUT WAIT!

THERE'S MORE!

You get the pleasure of working at St. Bart's! And you know what the best part is?

You get to work as an assistant for your old college buddy, Molly Hooper!

So after a surprisingly sort walk to work you it dawns on you: you have no IDEA where the labs are. I mean, you know where St. Bart's is, just not the entire layout.

Like where the labs you'll be working in are. Which is important, because- well, you work here now.

Sadly there are no floor maps, or helpful signs to aid in your quest (apparently they had some sort of 'breach in security' to remove such items) and you were running out of a respectable amount of time to be late.

But what's THIS?

There's another human being walking through the hall across from you!

You dash down the hallway (in a totally professional manner) to catch up to the dark haired man holding a clip board.

Once you've got his attention you tell him your plight.

He's really sweet (and adorable in some strange way) with big brown soulful eyes and a cheeky grin as he gives the directions and even offers to walk you down.

Even says how you must be __ because Molly's been over the moon chatting about how happy she is to work with you.

The offer IS tempting (it’s been MONTHS since you've had a proper boyfriend) but you decide you'll look more professional by showing up unattended.

You part ways with the kind man (I'm just plain ole' Jim he says with a shy smile and a wink) and thanking him.

As you finally arrive at the labs you notice something horrifying.

You see your friend and co-worker Molly sprawled on the lab's floor pooling in her own blood!

As you completed your actions Molly is in a somewhat stable condition as help arrives.

But before the medics go to grab her she pulls you close,"__, I n-need your h-help. "

Molly strengthens her grip tighter for you to come closer as the other hand pushes a plush rhino pocket pet doll into your person. "I-I need you to give this t-to an S-Sherlock...I-it's for the case... P-please! He needs it....please..."

And by now the cocktail of drugs strapped into her arm take her out for the count as the medics take her away.

You had no time to think as a tall silver haired man approached you for a statement.

" I'm DI Lestrade from the homicide division," He says as professional as he firmly shakes your hand, "I just need to ask a few questions about what you saw."

You tell him what you saw completely ignoring how his voice was a total turn on.

But before he can walk away with your statement you ask why a homicide detective is doing on a call like this.

Lestreade gingerly scratches his silver locks, "I know; it’s not protocol, but she's friends with me and Sherlock, so-"

After blurting (or inquiring) about Sherlock the DI goes rigid.

His eyes narrow as he demands what you know.

You quickly submit saying, "Look I came in for my first day of work to find my friend bleeding on the floor! Then she all but throws this stuffed toy at me and orders me to give it to a man called Sherlock." Di Lestreade sighs (you can call me Greg, since we're acquainted now), "Did she tell you why?"

"She only said it was for the case and that Sherlock would need it."

Greg perks up and grab's your arm, “Then let's go. If Molly says he needs it then we to get there fast!"

The two of you ran down the halls and tore through the streets as Greg explained the situation.

Apparently Sherlock is an consulting detective for Scotland Yard and is currently working on a case involving a missing USB drive containing highly sensitive code that the governments worldwide use to keep hacker at bay.

For the past 3 days it’s been since its disappearance and 6 people have already found dead trying to secure or steal it for profit.

By the looks of it, it seems the 6 man ingested it to keep it safe.

Now all you have to do is enter the Natural Museum to find Sherlock and give him the rhino pocket pet.

Don't worry Scotland Yard will be there in a few minutes to help followed by members of the secret service from the government.

You knew what you had to do (even if you had no clue what this Sherlock person looked like) so you bolted into the museum looking for whatever a Sherlock might look like.

You give the museum security staff a freight as you continuously start running from room to room.

You were running out of rooms to look through when you spot a tall, well-dressed man with a brolly standing as if he was waiting all along. He starts to walk closer to you, all long legs and confidence in his stance as he got closer, “Hello, I believe you have something for me?"

Even if you felt a bit wary of the man, you can't helped but feel compelled to allow the man closer to you (like I stated earlier, it’s been a LONG ass time since you've had a man in your life).

He has such an elegant air about him sided with an unusual gaze that you think would be worthy of the name Sherlock.

A man with such a commanding presence should be able bear that name. But just as soon as the red haired man is close enough to be within arms' reach of both you and the drive a blonde man comes barreling around the corner yelling, "Mycroft, what the hell are you doing?"

The blonde man, (I'm John, John Watson by the way) enters the room but not enough to invade your getaway route (unlike Mycroft) as he clarifies.

Apparently the man before you is Mycroft Holmes, Sherlock's older brother and he works for the government.

John is Sherlock's flat-mate, blogger, and aide for his crime scenes.

The two of them have been searching all the rooms to find Sherlock who said he would be here to solve the case indefinitely.

Whatever you said was taken at a positive note as John pulled up a photo on his phone of what Sherlock actually looks like.

The plan is to get Sherlock the drive and have him head to the museums' private office in  the back, bullet proof, bomb proof, and generally a badass safe house in case it all turns to shit.

John absently adjusts the gun in his trousers and then pulls out another for your use.

Just in case he says.

In there is a computer that Sherlock can use to access the file, send it on a secure network, and delete it indefinitely so the black market can't sell it.

It was decided by Mycroft that he'll meet you and John in the back office after he acquires the DI while you and John explore the east wing for Sherlock.

Now things are pretty dead at the Museum (it IS Monday after all) so it’s not that hard to look in a room for life.

John is charming and very handsome as he fills you on bits of what he and Sherlock have been doing for the case.

So when the two of you DO start finding bodies, its bodies that have guns trained at you. Immediately John pulls you back as he whips out his own gun and flawlessly fires at your would be killers.

John quickly looks around the corner to see if he's dispatched all of the men. "__, you stay here while I clear the area alright? I'll be back in a tic."

By now John's on the other side of the room checking for more gunmen when you feel a hand cover your mouth.

Instinctively you pull away only to find Jim from the morgue beside you. "I heard that you knew who hurt Molly. I just had to help stop the mad man, __ Molly is one of my only friends...besides you. Please, will you let me help?"

Your spider senses may have been tingling but that didn't stop you from selling out the plan (what can you say? You lonely and he's here).

Jim decides that he's better off waiting at the back office with Mycroft and Greg to help stand guard.

You agree and sit there and wait for John.

And you wait.

And wait.

Until you finally get up and explore the exhibit yourself to find it empty.

You're so distracted by your confusion that you didn't even see that hand shooting from within the painting to grab you.

Lo and behold, it’s the man himself!

Apparently the genius decided to hide himself in a painting to avoid capture and he adds he was waiting an awful long time for you to investigate, really, by his thinking you should have found him 15 minutes ago.

You obviously have the USB drive that Molly (who failed to bring it herself) entrusted to you.

Molly thought she was being clever by hiding the drive in a stuffed toy, how dull.

Now be a good delivery girl and hand it over to him, hand it over so this tedious work can be put to rest.

 Even if you wanted to hand over the drive and leave this nonsense behind you told Sherlock that you'd give him the drive in the safety of the room.

To this Sherlock throws a small fit at your small brain cannot comprehend the danger that will follow as long as you hold that drive.

And while this man is easy on the eyes the venom he's spewing about you, your past, your ex-boyfriend, your cat, your job, and your future is enough to make you kill the man.

In fact he's so into slicing you apart he completely misses the man with a rifle pointed at his head but thankfully you manage to pull him from harm’s way and disarm him with your gun.

(What can I say, it was a lucky shot)

Now you're suddenly more interesting and he bombards you with more questions of your gun training.

And for some strange reason what you put in your egg omelet.

Sipping past more cronies you and Sherlock finally make it to the back office.

Everything seemed fine as you entered until Sherlock shut the door.

You see Mycroft, Greg, and John sitting in an incomplete circle on the floor.

You and Sherlock are about to ask what the hell they're doing when the door slams shut to reveal Jim holding an automatic assault rifle.

After the door locks shut Jim says in an Irish drawl, “Now let's all sit in a circle lads and lassie, we're going to play a game. Don't worry; it’s nothing TOO difficult for a simple mind to play. We're going to play a good old fashion game of spin the bottle."

By now Jim's practically jumping from foot to foot with glee, "Don't you see __? It's a fairly easy concept. You spin the bottle and you'll kiss whoever it lands on to give them the drive. Don't go trying to hide it sweetie, I already know what it is. That hideous doll thing stashed in your jacket pocket."

Sadly you know he's right but you can't help thinking there has to be another way.

Looking at the other men you now notice they all have little lasers aimed at their heads and what's worse is that you now notice there's one aimed at your heart.

By this point Jim's getting impatient," What's the holdup cutie, the odds are in your favor 4/5, which means you have 1/5 of a chance to screw up and have that oh so sensitive information ruin the lives of billions of people."

He kicks the Larger bottle towards your person, "Or you could refuse and I'll kill you all and Take the drive from your corpse. Then sell it to the highest bidder who I will ensure that their first order of business is to bring this nation to its knees, with your family first in line. Your choice."

Looking around the room you know you don't have a choice but to do what Moriarty says.

There are no exits, the windows are wielded shut, doors are enforced and you are completely unarmed.

It’s either you play the game or you all die.

Play the game or countless countries would be under siege digitally and the people of those countries...their lives destroyed.

So many things in the world relied on technology to keep them fed and safe.

You couldn't chance that.

So you do as you must and grab the larger bottle and...


	2. Sherlock Holmes: Consulting Detective man-child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So how was your day?  
> Mine was trash at work but maybe this will make you feel better.

The bottle kept spinning and spinning which you felt was odd since you didn't spin it THAT hard.

Maybe it was rigged.

Either way you knew you had 4/5 of getting someone that WASN'T Jim so you figured you had the odds in your favor as Jim was sitting between John and Mycroft.

When the bottle FINALLY decided to end its journey to your intrigue you ended up with Sherlock Holmes.

Now you're not stupid, you've heard Molly go on about him for ages and all you wanted to do was deck the man for playing with your friend's emotions.

(Thankfully though she was dating that nice DI Dimmock, a FAR better choice in your opinion).

But that was before he was a metaphorical man instead of the totally real and here man.

You gave her points, he WAS sexy, those cupid bow lips, those legs, that hair, and he looked so mysterious...before he opened his mouth.

You had to admit you didn't hate him as much now seeing him process information and spew it out as you both ran through the rooms.

But that didn't mean you were in love, the fact is that this is the man Molly used to cry over at night.

And for that he must suffer. So you figured that since he was a self-imposed robot, you'd have the advantage.

Even more so when Jima and Mycroft start cat calling that he's a virgin or how inexperienced he is with human interactions.

This is prefect you think, I can totally show him up for what he did to Molly.

You were wrong.

So amazingly, terribly, dear god those _lips,_ wrong.

Turns out he DOES know what he's doing and worst (or best) he knows exactly how to get you bothered.

When he deigns to let you up for air, you think it’s over.

That large part of your brain is thinking THANK GOD, while the smaller part is still screaming for MORE.

His crystal eyes bore into yours taking in more information off your person, for what you care not.

You're just glad to have oxygen in your system, but that too, like your plan to make him suffer, is short lived as he dives down for round two.

You're about to close your eyes and prepare for the next onslaught when something catches your eye in a mirror's reflection.

See that the attention of Mycroft, Jim, and Greg’s are all on you, hell you can't even see the red dots on anyone's head they must be so distracted, expect for John who's trying to make a grab for Jim's gun.

You decided to take one for the team.

That while this man was a jerk to your friend you need to put on a good show to make it out of here alive.

And you probably shouldn't enjoy it either but it must be a show stopper to help the plan go along.

So you thrust yourself on Sherlock's lap and meet him halfway much to his surprise.

There was much clinking of teeth and groans that you chanting like a mantra were just for show.

Pfft.

Yeah right.

You were both battling for dominance of the kiss constantly changing hands and angles to get the better lead for what felt like hours.

But it was more like 4 minutes because then all hell broke loose.

John was finally able to get the gun to shot 3 of the 4 gunmen that held them hostage as you assume the 4th got away.

At this point both you and Mycroft were pushed to the side of the desk for cover while John, Sherlock, and Greg started to scan the room for anymore possible threats until help arrived.

As the men did their snooping Mycroft made his acquaintance again.

Your eyebrow rose," You already introduced yourself."

Mycroft nods as he concedes," That is true, I did so as you as you were a stranger. Now I do so as your fiancé's brother."

Your face must have looked funny as all the color drained from your face and instantly flushed at the same time.

In fact you weren't sure that was possible without passing out.

You stammered, "And what makes you think that? All I did was engage the game; it doesn't mean I want him!"

Mycroft struggles to find a better position by the desk," That may be true but my brother doesn't do anything y halves, and when he wants something or it intrigues him he's very possessive of what he deems his. Like his flat-mate for example"

And as you observe Sherlock with his friend John it IS easy to see how attached he is.

But you roll your eyes at the man and THANKFULLY help arrives to pry open the doors.

You are upset to learn that Jim had got away, (how he did you have NO CLUE) but you take your statements and leave the scene completely forgetting what Mycroft said for about two days.

Not even two days, more like twenty-seven hours.

Because you get a shaken from your bed, in your LOCKED apartment by Sherlock Holmes saying that we're late! You need to get dressed or we'll miss our time slot!

You barely get any chance to think as he throws a dress in your face and then to your horror tries to strip you down to help.

Thankfully you're able to get dressed fast enough to keep mister impatient off you and then are dragged in the early morning hours into a cab, where you fell asleep, and then were shook awake AGAIN.

You were so out of it you weren't even aware of what building it was.

All you knew is that whatever it is it’s too early and dammit stop asking all these questions!

So the next time you wake up it’s at a white tabletop where there's food, champagne, and Sherlock looking as bored and delectable as ever in a suit.

You've now had plenty of sleep to observe where you are and before you can ask Mycroft decked in his finest comes over to your table.

'May I congratulate the bride and groom, my your marriage be a long, happy, and completely incapable of divorce as long as either of us lives," he says smugly before raising his glass and leaving you stunned at the table with your apparent new husband.

He doesn't even look at you when he says," For a case, it was boring." 

From the table across from you could see Molly smirking.

Vengeance shall be yours.

Believe it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No seriously, how do you get pictures on here?


	3. John Watson: cuddly BAMF at your service

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's just so cute...

When the bottle started to slow down as you spun it as hard as you could.

You kept praying, not Jim, not Jim, like it would keep the devil himself away.

As the bottle prepared for its final turn to your horror you noticed that the bottle looked for a moment, that it would land on Jim, but to your relief, it landed on John Watson.

When you first met John in the museum room of modern art your impression was that he was an average bloke, only slightly more charming.

And as you were talking before the gunmen he seemed like a guy you'd WANT to chat you up instead of those creepy old men at your favorite coffee spot.

He had a good sense of humor; you could tell he was actually listening to you AND to be honest, when he took at those gunmen you were turned on.

Never had been so bothered but with his act of valor and strength against a large number of foes.

You would normally scoff at such cave man mentality but it was tossed out the window today.

But thinking about that now wouldn't help you.

This is a life or death situation and you need your head in the game!

This is no time to think of asking a guy out or thinking about how lucky you are to kiss the guy in question!

So as you scooted across the circle making damn sure that Jim was nowhere NEAR the USB drive to kiss and hand over the information.

You stumble a bit, since you were walking on your knees, but thankfully John was close enough to catch you before you fell flat on your face.

What you didn't expect was for John to use that save to pull you close and seal the deal.

He claims your mouth, firmly but gently at the same time causing whatever squeak of surprised to be (almost) drowned by your lips.

God, you wished your ex-boyfriend could had kissed half as good as this you wouldn't have dumped him (probably not thought since he stole your money and cheated, but still...).

You had to suppress the urge to whine when his lips parted from yours and as you opened your eyes (wow, you didn't even remember shutting them) you are horrified to see Jim sitting so close eyeing the both of you.

"That all you got Johnny boy? I thought you were called 'three continents John' for a reason, or was that all hype?"

You expect John to ignore him, he doesn't seem to be the type to get his feathers ruffled by stupid macho stuff but as quick as that thought comes it disappears as he thoroughly attacks your mouth. Dear god, you're doing all you can not to sound like a prono as he nips and sucks at your mouth, and at one point your tongue had left your mouth.

Apparently it moved into John's by its own accord.

So when the sudden gunshots rang around you couldn't be assed to care as long as his lips stayed on yours.

Which they did as John rolled the both of you to safety by the desk as the shooting continued then to the point of silence, and by that point you REALLY needed some air.

Turns out that John created enough of a show for Sherlock to grab Jim's gun and take out one of the snipers, therefore giving the location of the others to both the yard and Mycroft's men.

If you had enough brain cells to care at the moment you would've called him brilliant, if not slightly insane.

But hey!

The USB is safe, you're not dead, they're not dead, a bunch of people's security is safe, and Molly is avenged.

The only downside is that Jim got away as did one of the snipers.

But in the back of your mind as everyone leaves you wish you could have at LEAST got John's number...you know....saving you.

This continues for all of two days before you're working Molly's shift (she's still in the hospital) when John comes dashing in gun first like a madman. "__ are you okay?! Sherlock said-"

And at that moment the entire lab is in lockdown mode (thanks to the Molly attack) and there's absolutely no way to get out until the system is cleared.

Before you and John can voice your curses the intercom above you sounds off in an overly bored tone," __ I refuse to let either of you out until you agree to date John. I am to hear one more sigh, or groan, or how soft her skin was or any other such tripe my brain will be forced to kill itself."

John looks embarrassed beyond belief, but then again so are you. He curses under his breath a few moments to rid the redness from his ears and then asks,"__ would you like to go out tonight?"

Before you can answer Sherlock does it for you," JOHN of course she wants to! Her respiration went up by 42% along with her heart rate!"

Then the two continued to argue but you couldn't care less.

After all you had a date tonight with John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder if it will rain later...


	4. Mycroft Holmes: the sexy British government

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell he's my favorite?

The bottle just keeps spinning around and around.

To be quite honest you're hoping that it never stops so that help can arrive but you know it won't.

Looking around the circle you assess your options.

You have 4/5 of the chance of saving the world; on the other hand, you could get Jim.

And you'd rather kiss ANYONE but him.

So when the bottle finally stops you are relieved to see it’s not Jim but a bit flustered that it lands on Mycroft Holmes.

You can't hide it, everyone including John when he first stopped you from handing over the drive, that you had a weakness for men in suits.

And even more form men in power, not to say that the man in question has to BE someone powerful, god you're not looking to be some leech.

You just like men with that type of persona.

They just make you feel safe, they demand your attention with the littlest of ease and they are so incredible sexy.

Specially Mycroft with his posh words and demeanor. God, he could've told you to hand him anything at that moment and you would've complied.

Seriously, _anything._

The heart wants what the heart wants which is what your ex didn't have (plus the ass cheated on you so yeah).

Thankfully he was seated next to you as Greg was on your left.

You figured that the kiss would be chaste because come on, he's not only out of your league but he's eons above your pay grade.

There's no way in hell a man like this would kiss you unless his life was on the line. So you try not to look too disappointed when the kiss ends as quickly as it came.

The kiss didn't even get you close enough to get a whiff of his super enchanting cologne that wafted through the room when you first met. But it looks like you weren't the only one cheated as Jim picked up his gun.

"Come on Iceman! I KNOW you can do better than that!" Jim taunted, "Look, even __ is pouting."

You immediately darken and pray that you really weren't.

Looking back at Mycroft his face is unreadable as he stares at what must be a beet instead of a head upon your shoulders.

After a nod he brings your head closer with his right hand and gives you a deeper, and slightly more contacted kiss than the first.

You're pretty sure the blood will never leave your face since a man that you'd never kiss you, didn't kiss you once but twice.

Even if you'd would have liked it a bit more...I don't know personal?

Romantic?

But you mentally shook yourself.

There's no time for that there's a man with a gun and plenty more on the roof waiting to kill you off.

You should be on a little grateful to the psycho with the gun for giving you this chance and give the USB over before he changes his mind.

One never knows with psychopaths these days.

However, Jim's still not approving as he shakes his head," That's the best the governments got? I'm truly disappointed. Maybe I'll just have to bring __ over here and give her a real kiss since you're not inclined."

Hey, looks like your blood finally left your face at the thought of having to kiss Jim.

Who would've thought, eh?

At this you quickly look to Mycroft with a silent plea, you really don't want to kiss Jim, please just kiss me again so he'll shut up and put the gun down.

And so you can remember for the last time how his lips feel on yours.

You know, because you won’t get this chance again.

Mycroft takes a moment to look like he's considering it as Jim starts scooting his way towards you.

At this you look petrified.

You almost think that if Mycroft doesn't kiss you by god, YOU'LL kiss just to avoid Jim.

Near deportation be damned! But thankfully you didn't have to force yourself on him (though it did cross your mind...hm...that WOULD be a fantasy to indulge later) as he roughly pulled your body closer so you were smashed against him and had the life force sucked from your mouth.

Like you expected he dominated the kiss but all coldness and aloofness was gone.

In its place was a fiery passion that all but consumed you.

You were clay and he was the sculptor and you would move to his whim.

You would do anything, be anything if Mycroft kept kissing you like that.

Hands down, no contest, everyone else go the f*ck home.

And it must have been some show as you could faintly the whistles coming from Jim and the gagging noises from what must be Sherlock.

Now that you gave a damn because Mycroft surrounded you, owned you.

As far as you were concerned they could all die in a fire.

The only sound that DID manage to knock you out of your hormone induced trip was the shots ringing out as Mycroft shoved you behind the desk for cover.

Then chaos erupted.

You couldn't see much as Mycroft acting as a shield or reach your weapon but from what you could hear was the epic shootout between Mycroft's men and the snipers sided along with John's curses for Jim escaping out of what was supposed to be an impossible room.

Not that you minded because this would probably be the last time you see or be this close to Mycroft.

And you were right.

It seemed that Mycroft didn't stay around long enough for statements, not that this surprised you.

You ended up hitching a ride from Greg who told you to take it easy for a few days.

Keep your stress down and what not.

You absently inquired about the Holmes as you came up to your flat to have Greg scoff. "__ look, I've known Mycroft and Sherlock for years but I honestly can't tell you what runs in their minds. Hell, sometimes I don't want to know. Especially Sherlock...in fact mostly him. Has a bad habit of saying the strangest shit that will never leave your mind."

As he pulls to a stop you question what could be so bad to his credit he looks at you and says, “What has been seen or said cannot be unseen or unknown."

And you decidedly think you probably don't want to know.

A week or so passes by with no Sherlock sightings to inquire about Mycroft and no word on any media sites either.

Not that you're stalking him or anything.

Really, you just want to make sure he's alright.

So as you get off work you find a black car following you out.

You let this happen for all of five meters before you break out into a run and then cut off by ANOTHER black car.

Then you are promptly shoved in the car and are mercilessly attacked by arms and products being painted on your person.

You tried to put up a fight but you were no match as you were stripped and redressed then promptly kicked out of the car.

You couldn't even escape as when a texting lady standing by the entrance pulled you by the arm and all but marched you into the building.

You were so confused as you passed by political people and stars in what looked to be a restaurant until your eyes caught the table in the back.

There he was, Mycroft Holmes sitting with a beautiful older woman.

You could have just cried.

You finally get to see the man of your dreams and he's sitting and ENJOYING himself with a more cultured, richer, and older lady.

You try to look for a way out but Mycroft spots you.

You knew you couldn't leave now.

As you get closer to the table you try to make yourself look more aloof but you failed.

When you reached the table Mycroft stood and put his hand at the small of your back, “Mummy, I'd like to introduce you to __, ___. I do hope you'll approve."

To your credit, you flush, Mummy?

Why are you meeting his mum?

"A very fine choice, I feel that you and I will get on famously __ as I have heard nothing but good things from my son for the past six days."

And at this your knees give out which is fine, Mycroft had the forethought to bring your chair out.

The two of them enjoyed a lovely dinner expect for you, you my dear were on cloud nine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I actually used Sherlock's methods on a guy and he called me a stalker.  
> I was like bitch please, if I was stalking you I wouldn't even be talking to you.


	5. DI Lestrade: Sexy Voice Silver Fox

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I swear this show kills billions ovaries with each episode.

The bottle just keeps going and going....and you my friend have never felt more queasy than that time you decided to chug an entire bottle of mountain dew AND an entire roll of fruity Mentos before riding the Mamba.

On a dare....not really but, it was really, REALLY bad idea to begin with.

Like this one.

In your head you know you shouldn't be because like the madman with the gun said the odds are in your favor.

But that nudge in the back of your brain tells you it could still happen. Finally the bottle starts to slow down as you track it to its target.

John, Sherlock, Lestreade, you, Mycroft, Jim, John, Sherlock, and....its Lestrade!

You let out a shaky breathe that you know you were holding as you turn to Lestrade, thinking that you got out easy.

Taking your own look at the man he seems to be easy going, his hair going gray (though you'd swear he's can't be that old), and he's fairly attractive.

But GOD his voice.

It did funny things to you that no sniveling boy could do.

Probably why it took you so long to get out of the panda car.

In fact it was Greg's voice that clued you back into the realms of reality and out of your mind.

Remembering that you still had a job to do, you firstly hand him the drive.

"Ta, now I should warn you these *points to his lips* are deadly, just thought I should let you know."

You let out a giggle and suddenly you don't feel as wound up as before.

Unfortunately not everyone feels for this kind of thing because Jim being the impatient jerk holding a semiautomatic rifle starts badgering the two of you to get on with it. Jesus.

So you decided to meet halfway for the sake of not looking too eager but Greg's is anything but.

His lips did this AMAZING suction on your lips, urging you to move.

He just kept going deeper and your mouth was sliding wider with each pull from his lips.

Peppermint...that's what you tasted. Peppermint and something so earthy that it made your toes curl.

The two of you continued macking until Jim being the little puissant that he is starts to complain," This is BORING."

Really? You give a man a gun and he wants a show?

You're about to tell him where he can shove that gun when Greg's hand stops you from turning to chew the blighter out.

Pulling you close like in a lover's embrace he whispers, let's make it count this _time."_

The last remaining thought you had when you had two synapses to rub together was why did you emphasis on time before he assaulted your mouth.

The attack continued to ravage it for a few seconds until it slowed to a sweet sensual set.

Which was great because you did need to breathe but that didn't last for long as you were pulled down for another round.

What seemed like hours (it was three minutes, how can your feeble mind not track time under such simple conditions, Sherlock was quick to interject) the pattern would change, rough, sweet, fast, dirty, slow, rough.

To be quite honest you didn't know if you could take much more before you passed out.

But thankfully you didn't have to as the backup FINALLY arrived as John and Sherlock got a hold of the guns.

You were quickly bodily covered by Greg as the room became saturated by minions with guns and a lot of PAs.

If you thought the room was dangerous with Jim in it you were wrong, THESE guys were more harmful. They nearly trampled you if it wasn't for Greg.

When the gun toting' lackeys finally cleared the room You, Greg, Mycroft, John, and Sherlock were able to leave the grounds. But not without a statement for the yard.

Of course, John and Sherlock escaped leaving the rest of you to flounder.

The game was apparently still on as Jim had somehow escaped the room.

So as you took your statements with Greg huddled under a shock blanket (Sherlock and John stole what WOULD have been yours) the two of you sit by the corner and wait for the paramedics to let you go.

Absently you pick at the blanket's frayed bits as you both watch the circus that is progress.

"So...some first day huh?"

Blinking away the fog that is your brain you respond with an elegant wha?

Thankfully that came out as an endearing thing as he continues, "You did pretty good in there. You know Sherlock's been texting me, says by his accounts you'd be too stupid to even realize the plan we had in there. I'm glad you proved him wrong."

By this you give a snappy comeback for and it makes Greg laugh even harder.

Or it could be hysteria, you never know, he DOES work with Sherlock.

But hey, he's handsome, you're single, you bite the bullet and blurt out, "Did you wanna go out?"

You cannot believe that you did that.

And this time you know your face is red from shame rather than lack of oxygen.

You wait for the hammer to be dropped.

The same, 'I don't feel the same' or 'look you're a nice girl but', or your personal favorite, 'Sorry you're just not my type."

But it never comes, looking up (when did you put your head down in shame?) you see that Greg's got this serious shit eating grin.

No, I mean seriously, if he wasn't that good looking you'd be running for the hills right now.

No, Greg accepts your offer.

And yes, the two of you go out to dinner.

Yes, it’s interrupted by Sherlock.

Yes, you both called John to wrangle him in.

No, he couldn't he's at work damn it.

Yes, he pissed off all the waiters and got you all kicked out.

Yes, he followed you both to the theatre and got you kicked out again.

But thankfully Greg threw a box load of case files at his head before you entered his flat.

And YES, you had a good time.

A Sherlock free one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Puma shirt or panther shirt?


	6. James Moriarty: slightly insane Consulting Criminal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the last one!  
> Enjoy!

This was it; you were feeling pretty confident about this.

The bottle keeps going and going at a speed you deemed worthy of your might.

The odds are in your favor, the bad guy will not only lose but you'll get to kiss any of the handsome men in the circle.

There's no way you could lose, you ensured it.

So you sit there looking smug when the bottle slows down.

Already the bottle starts to close on its target, Mycroft Holmes.

But as it’s about to stop, a freak force of nature happens.

The bottle freakin' tilts about five degrees to its right.

Five degrees.

"Looks like you hit the jackpot honeybun~" as the crazy has the audacity to wink at you.

Now your plan is ruined.

Your luck ran out.

You get to kiss the asshat that probably stabbed your friend.

The man that you thought you could trust.

The man with a gun pointed at everyone you just met.

And the man who may still be cute but damn, why is it always the crazy ones?

Why did they always have to look so damn irresistible?

Are maybe there was something wrong with you.

I mean that Trevor guy from the book store was an obvious find but you just didn't feel it.

But you did in this moment.

Yeah, something WAS wrong with you.

Get it together.

Not the time to have a mental crisis that's what those therapy sessions are for.

You have one next Tuesday at twelve.

People's lives are at stake.

You figure if you play for time you won't have to give him the USB drive.

I mean, both Mycroft and Lestrade said they had help coming.

It couldn't be that much longer. So you change your demeanor and pray that it works.

And looking at Jim's face you're going to need all the help you can get.

You know seductive track won't work, and by the way he's threatening you to move faster with the gun the reluctant theme isn't going to help

. So you try to play dumb or at least inexperienced... Which you aren't.

Really.

You had a boyfriend for all of four months before he dumped you and you totally kissed him like twenty times.

Cheeks count so maybe sixty.

You are a total master on kissing thank you.

So you shuffle across the circle looking as perplexed as you could where Jim still grinning like a loon (seriously you have a gun, stop trying to look silly) waiting.

When you finally get close enough you purposely wait until he swoops in to kiss you, you immediately close your eyes and completely miss him.

Of course he opens his eyes and tries again. You try to buy time by messing up again.

It almost works.

About halfway in the dive he cracks open an eye and then forces your face to his.

And it was fast, dirty and all tongue.

Remember; keep him busy enough and he'll be caught.

Keep him under and you'll save the day.

So before he can push you apart you climb in on his lap and mash his face in further hoping he'll take the bait.

And boy did he.

If you thought the kiss was dirty before, it looks like a virgin school girl now.

His hands are full of your voluptuous rear end and there is literally no space between you.

NONE.

In a brief position change you look around at your friends, none of the red marks are there.

Good, help's here.

Now to get rid of the gun.

Your hands are at his neck, his hair, and you’re doing your best to push his gun as far as you can with your foot by wrapping it around him.

Of course no one takes the bait just yet, cracking open an eye you see everyone staring at you dumbfounded.

It wasn't until Sherlock caught your eye he was able to nudge John to make a grab.

And of course when John's hand hits the gun Jim stills his face buried in your neck.

John cocks the gun as he aims it at Jim, “Let go of __ nice and slow and I won't blow your brains out."

To your horror, the man is LAUGHING into your neck.

And to make matters worse, he's only gripped tighter.

Looking up into your eyes you're shocked to see glee and warmth.

Seriously, WTF?

"That was pretty clever, using yourself. It's an old trick, __, a dirty trick," he says in a full Irish drawl.

Damn, that Irish drawl is doing things to you, this is so not good.

From down the hall you can HEAR the troops running down to apprehend Jim.

It’s a matter of time there's no way out.

You're so relieved that the help is only a few feet away that you nearly forget that you're in the lap of a madman and you still have the USB drive to protect.

"I like that in a woman."

You immediately swivel your head to see that not only is he smiling at you but he's got the drive.

Then Jim promptly shoves you off his lap and then there's smoke.

This, really REALLY sucks in a small room.

Seriously. But you still tried to recover the drive.

You chased his shadow and grabbed what could be part of it, you weren't sure.

But as the smoke cleared and the cronies stormed the room you felt something cold in your hand.

Looking through the fog, you saw it.

The drive!

Success!

After everyone was secured, checked up, harassed, and given their statements you felt pretty good about yourself.

You avenged your friend, made new friends, saved the day, was clever for once (hey if a certified genius says it must be true) and you did get a kiss.

Even if it was from a criminal mastermind as you later learned from Lestrade.

Even more horrifying, Jim used to date Molly.

Of course Sherlock boredly injects that he's gay so it was only a cover.

It figures, the good ones usually are.

Taken, married or gay.

Or in this case criminally insane and gay.

Figures.

To which John cuts in that so was Irene.

This then descended into a one sided shout match as they ran off without their statements.

Thankfully you were offered a ride home by Mycroft, who creepily already knew where you lived.

Then as you exited his ride Mycroft assured you that you would be watched for your protection just in case.

To which you responded as politely as possible, because hey, he's being nice, don't knock it.

You really don't think it would matter because like Sherlock said gay and criminally insane.

You have nothing to worry about.

And for a month you don't.

It wasn't until you take Molly and her boyfriend Dimmock out for drinks in celebration of leaving the hospital that you meet again.

Or more like you wake up bound in a comfy couch as he's beside you watching My Little Pony.

You're drunk, confused, probably drugged, worried about Molly, you should be worrying about you, and the only thing that you blurt out is, "I thought you were gay?!"

To his credit Jim stops watching the show (It was on commercial break anyway) and turns to wink, "Bisexual tendencies babe. You have until the end of the show."

And to that he offers you no more.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GRAVITY FALLS IS BACK YES!

**Author's Note:**

> You know at least the quiz had pictures.  
> I still don't know how to add pictures on here.  
> Anyone know how?


End file.
